Sex when TTA

Do I have to stay abstinent during my fertile window?

Thoughts on sex when TTA

When learning how to chart, an important thing to remember is that you can still have fun while in your ovulatory (aka fertile) phase! Sex is not just penetration, there are way more ways to enjoy your partner (and receive enjoyment) than PIV sex. All of these can still be as deeply intimate or as fun as you want them to be. 

This article will go through different ideas that you can try with your partner if you:

  1. Know you are in your ovulatory phase
  2. Are unsure where you are in your cycle
  3. Or are out of condoms! 😉 (skip to number 2!)

Read the rest of this article to get some ideas! 

Recommended

Condoms

A tried and true birth control method. According to nhs.uk condoms have an efficacy rate of 98% for perfect use. In order to use condoms the correct way, please read through the instructions on the box or click on this link.

Some tips for condoms when first trying them out;

  • How to put on a condom
  • Use lube! It will make it a lot more comfortable for the ladies since you’re missing the lubricant that comes from your partner. (Do not use oil-based lubricants; those damage condoms and make them less effective.)
  • Condoms take some getting used to for BOTH parties. It’s okay if you both don’t finish the first few times you’re using condoms. Consider pairing with another alternate sex idea if you are having that issue.

Oral Stimulation

The pleasure you can give or receive! Oral sex can be a great way for your partner to find new ways to pleasure you (and vice versa). During your fertile window, you want to be sure to keep the penis away from the vulva and vagina, especially during ejaculation.

Some tips for oral when first trying it out;

  • Take a shower beforehand- this can be helpful the first time especially if you’re feeling a little hesitant.
  • Don’t be afraid to tell your partner that what they’re doing isn’t working for you. Things aren’t often perfect the first time you do them, especially if you don’t communicate. 
  • You might get a hair stuck in your mouth or throat- it happens and is totally normal! Keep a water bottle by the bed to help you out. 
  • You might get tired or not be able to get to completion or get your partner to completion only with oral stimulation. Consider pairing with manual stimulation!

Manual Stimulation

This is another wonderful way to give and receive pleasure while keeping the penis away from the vulva and vagina (specifically during the woman’s fertile window and during ejaculation). 

Some tips for manual stimulation when first trying it out:

  • Wash your hands! Super important in order to stay protected from infections.
  • Take some time to explore each other’s bodies. Foreplay is still needed even if this is “all” you’re doing.
  • If it’s not feeling comfortable- grab the lube! There is nothing wrong with wanting to feel more comfortable 🙂 
  • Communicate and listen to your partner. Do you want it lighter, harder, faster, or slower? Even move their hand to a different spot.

Know your risk with the following ideas

Outercourse / Grinding

Take into consideration that there have been very few studies on whether or not pre-ejaculatory fluid (precum) contains sperm. In one study they found that about half of men contain sperm in their pre-ejaculatory fluid so pregnancy could occur if you do this during the fertile window. I would not recommend this for someone who is 100% does not want to become pregnant.

This is potentially how you already start your sexual encounters. Grinding can be great for foreplay before PIV sex as well. While in your fertile window, please read the above warning(!). 

Some tips for grinding when first trying it out:

  • You can start with clothes on or off. Clothes on are better when you have observed CM that day/night.
  • Don’t forget the lube! 

Withdrawal (AKA Pull-Out)

Take into consideration that there have been very few studies on whether or not pre-ejaculatory fluid (precum) contains sperm. In one study they found that about half of men contain sperm in their pre-ejaculatory fluid so pregnancy could occur if you do this during the fertile window. I would not recommend this to someone who 100% does not want to become pregnant.

Some tips for withdrawal when first trying it out:

  • Make sure you trust your partner with the withdrawal method.
  • Your partner might be nervous the first few times when you use this method and pull out suddenly or not be able to come to completion until he pulls out and you continue with another alternate sex method. 
  • Don’t forget communication! Talk to each other so you know how close or when he should pull out. 
  • Keep a towel by the bed to use for clean up.
  • If ejaculate gets on you, wipe up and away from the vulva so there is no chance of becoming pregnant. 

Not Recommended

Spermicide

Spermicide can come in a variety of options: gel, cream, film, etc. I don’t recommend this because it disrupts the pH levels in your vagina. Spermicide changes the acidity levels of your vagina to make it inhospitable to sperm. It also only has an effectiveness rate of 79% during perfect use and increases your risk of UTIs (source). 

DiaphramA diaphragm is paired with Spermicide increasing its effectiveness rate. However, you are still using spermicide so please read the above paragraph as to why I don’t recommend this method. A diaphragm is another barrier method, but only boasts an effectiveness rate of 83% (source).